Published on November 14, 2014 in the Republica
Temptations galore | ||
SEWA BHATTARAI
A woman who seems to have it all—a loving husband, well-behaved kids, and a supportive family—is furtively meeting an old friend on the sly. When they are seen by someone she knows, she hastens to give an explanation of her meeting that is completely unnecessary. Case 2 A man who has the perfect trophy girlfriend, beautiful, smart and loving, cannot keep his hands off of his neighbor. When someone objects, he simply calls her ‘Didi’, and even his girlfriend is seen to be sending gifts to her. But the girlfriend does not accompany them on shopping trips and vacations. [break  Case 3 The female half of a long-distance couple constantly entertains single male friends at her house, and calls one of them her ‘soul-mate’. Her partner lives with a female roommate who is in a long-distance marriage. All individuals involved claim to be deeply in love with their respective partners. * * * We have all seen it happen. Cheating in relationships, or even in marriages, is nothing new. But in the world of long-distance relationships, instant communication, and individual private spheres outside of home, cheating seems to have become all the easier, and maybe even necessary. “Sometimes, you may not be getting all your needs fulfilled from one relationship, especially if the need is sexual,” says Umanga Jung Parakram Shah, Director of Nepal Academy of Psychology. In such cases, it has been seen that people who seek an outlet to their needs outside of their primary relationship are happier. Having their needs met inspires them to be more cheerful towards their primary relationship and responsibilities. Some are even heard saying that variety adds spice to life. On the other hand, such a relationship definitely does not make the primary partner happy if he/she finds out. According to Ruchi Shrestha, 32, a student at Wisconsin University who has had her share of ups and downs in relationships, “Infidelity doesn’t exist until you realize that you’re a victim.” And at that point, it is definitely not seen as a positive thing from the point of social and moral values too. But even for the person who cheats, the satisfaction is temporary, because at some point, the feeling of guilt surfaces. And then comes the weird behavior: “You may become defensive to justify your act or to keep your self-esteem high,” says Ruchi. Or you may feel your responsibility and go for a clearer picture. Both for the victim and the perpetrator, accepting the situation is the best way out. “When people start venting and cursing at someone who cheated them, we shouldn’t stop them,” says Shah, “because that’s a process of self-healing.” If instead, a victim starts blaming himself and justifying the other person, that leads to depression and other psychological problems. Ultimately, the struggle here is between personal needs and social responsibilities. “Human beings have both animal and moral instincts inside them,” says Shah. The animal instincts are represented by the part of our mind called Id, and the moral one by Superego. Both are equally important, because if our needs are not satisfied, that leads to many emotional and psychological problems. The moral aspect is equally important, because how well we fulfill our moral duties determines how well we are accepted in society. What we need is a balance between the two, where we can satisfy our needs as well as fulfill our social duties. In psychology, no human action is judged as right or wrong, so, in the words of Shah, “It isn’t about right or wrong, but more about what choice you want to make in any particular situation.” sewabhattarai@gmail.com | ||
Friday, November 28, 2014
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